I was expecting a little more fanfare than that.

You would think that after being off for three days, I’d at least get a bugler or a piper to announce my return to work. I mean, I am the star employee, aren’t I? I guess he did ask if I was feeling better, so that’s kinda good, and I had a pretty easy day, as far as trucking goes, but not one cartwheel, YAHOO or town crier. Hmmmmm, maybe mom was right, I may really be replaceable. Damn her and her all knowing ways.

Speaking of completely random topic changes, (and that is why we’re here, isn’t it?), why is it that it’s mostly men that pay for sex? I would think that all this talk about equality would have changed things on that front. I know all kinds of single women that are always going on about how they can’t get laid. Yeah right. Like you don’t have the time to walk into a bar and yell, “I’m horny”. You ladies can deny it all you want, but if you’re just looking for a quick romp, seven out of ten men will jump on that pony and ride it til it dies. Thankfully, I’m one of the other three guys, you know the ones that are usually drunk in the background guffawing and shouting encouragement to the others and then running home to tell their better half how they didn’t have any fun, and were only thinking of her the whole time.

I really am one of the lucky ones. After thirty eight years of searching, I found the perfect match for me in every way. Every day is something new and amazing, and I wake up each morning excited at the thought of getting off work and going home to those three beautiful ladies. I know there are a lot of dads out there that completely understand that feeling, but this is all new to me. Up until now, the greatest connection I’ve ever had, other than my mother, was with animals. No not like that, you bunch of freaks. I mean that bond, where you would do anything in your power to protect them, because you can, and they might not be able to fully protect themselves. Where you value another life more than your own, and have recurring visions of what you would do if a bear attacked them, or a car veered off the road towards them. You know every time that you will sacrifice yourself to give them the chance. Jesus, that’s pretty grim, if those are my visions, right? Should I maybe see someone about that? I truly hope it never comes down to it, but if it does, I already know that I will be riding that bear to the ground with my thumb in it’s eye and my Leatherman in it’s neck,screaming “Get them to the car, I’ll be ok”.

Don’t let the bedbugs bite,

Birdman

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Filed under Birdman, Humor

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