About your host family

About Birdman

I grew up in a small village in southern Ontario. (I fast-tracked my way to the front of the line to be their idiot.) It seems strange to call it a village, but they had built two churches there, so technically it is. I lived with my mom and stepfather, along with my two sisters. I was a pretty bad kid, but I was fairly well liked, and had a good heart, so I got along okay with the village elders.

I slid, for lack of a better term, through school and as soon as I was old enough to get myself expelled, I did. Wahoo, life is about to begin, right? Not a chance. I jumped from meaningless job to meaningless job faster than you can say Jack Robinson (whoever the hell he is). I should also add that I liked to “party” beyond my means. I use that word as a blanket term for any type of debauchery you can think of. That lifestyle ended shortly after I got my truck driving licence in 1998 and the mandatory drug testing began. I am now engaged to the girl I’ve been waiting for forever and her two amazing daughters, and other than my chosen career path, I’ve never been happier.

The reason I am doing this blog, is to sort of document my transition from being a trucker to whatever I end up doing next. I only know that it has to be something I love, and it has to pay the bills. I’m open to suggestion, so if there is something you think I’d be good at, let me know. I’m kind of lost here, and I can always use a guiding hand.

Peace out bitches,

Birdman

 

About Mrs. Birdman

Mrs. Birdman is not only beautiful, but she’s funny, smart, kind, talented, and extremely wise. She has a smile that will melt away your darkest days, and she’s mine. For whatever reason, she loves me, and feels the need to grace me with amazing cocooning every night (and some mornings and afternoons). She wouldn’t do her own “about me” section so I’m doing it for her, and let me tell you bub, I’m doing this thing up right.

Mrs. B has had a hard go of life, starting from when she was born to an unnamed Mississippi river boat gambler and an old, drunk washer-woman named Lily. She hustled her ass, as soon as she was old enough to shine shoes, sell cigarettes, and run liquor to the men in the work cabins that were employed at the local farms. Sometimes, she’d get lucky, and one of those dirty old men would take a shine to that sixteen year old girl with a penchant for giving handjobs. She would get an extra couple bucks, and maybe more if she let him have a snort of that bourbon she brought back from town. I tell you sir, that when she first filled her palm with lotion for me, I thought I’d promise her a steak dinner and a brand new Cadillac. She was some skilled, she was, and that’s why I’m marrying that girl.

You may have realized that that last paragraph is bullshit. Well, the first part of it, anyhow ;). I do love her more than anything I could ever dream of (except if I could have a threesome with her and her clone), and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Not only is she the perfect woman for me, she is an amazing photographer. I get lucky sometimes and get to be her light bitch, and I absolutely love to watch her work and interact with people. She is the yin to my yang, and the whipped cream in my coffee (Fuck off, if I have to drink coffee, it should taste awesome). I wouldn’t trade her for the world, and I hope she never wants to get rid of me.

Was that okay? I never know.

 

About Chin Daddy

What can we say about the Chin, that hasn’t already been said? He’s a family man, enjoys sarcasm, facetiousness, and telling lies with a straight face, to see if you’ll fall for it and tell someone else. You will. He also loves to work, and gamble on whether or not the car will run out of gas. It won’t. As a new member of the team, he has to soften Mrs. Birdman’s corns with baby oil, before sloughing off the dry, dead skin. I’m probably going to die for these remarks, but not until February.

Chin also likes long rides in the Green Goblin, Sonny’s breakfast sandwiches, and the Ether Bunny, even though he keeps tight lipped about those late night meetings. If there is anything that anyone would like to add, please go to the Harass Us page and let us know.

(reader additions)

He really enjoys the blog at becoming-oliver.blogspot.com, and he thinks you will too.

 

About Alice

Alice is a woman who knows how to live life. She raises a family, works, and still finds time to enjoy all that the world has to offer. Alice is going to recount her family’s Egyptian adventure, and hopefully tell us more exciting things that go on in her version of reality. We are really glad that she is on board, and eagerly await each passage.

I’m going to be honest, I also like the fact that there is little editing needed in her posts. Huge plus right there.

6 responses to “About your host family

  1. Birdman's Right Hand Man

    Somewhere, a village needs an idiot! So you’ll never be out of work Birdy!

    • Birdman

      Ah thank you, my compadre. I know you will miss me most of all this winter. Please drive safe and cup Scotty’s balls whenever you see him.

  2. Kendall and Kim

    Kim and I are laying in bed, far too early on a Saturday night… and i just finished reading to her… the intro and every post that you put up so far.
    we have to wonder if the blog’s intention to follow you through a career transition may end up being a much shorter trip that you think.
    Writing, and not just on a blog, just might be the destination, rather than the journey… just a thought.

    • Birdman

      Thanks be to you, good people, for your kind words, and yes, that would be the proverbial “cat’s ass” to get paid for this, but I need a guaranteed income and I need to learn how to type. (That’s my better half speaking). If you want to sponsor my blog, I accept cash, cheques or root vegetables. Just so you know, you just made my nose bleed.

      • Kendall and Kim

        Someone, somewhere, must have found a way to make a routine income from being a social commentator right?
        I guess its finding the right forum.

      • therealbirdman

        I sure hope you are right. I’ll keep my eyes open. Well, until I sleep.

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