Tag Archives: sex

Apparently I was a bit flirty

I’m very sorry, but due to my laptop dying, I will be reposting from my phone. I think this is my world trying to get me some sleep. Hopefully I’ll be done these long shifts soon, and will get back to just working twelves. Have a great and joyous Friday, and I’ll try to get the computer fixed if I can over the weekend. Much love to my peeps, and again, I apologize.

For all of you people who think that flirting is cheating, I have a very nice story for you. I have always enjoyed the art of tasteful flirting, and so has Mrs. Birdman (she’s very good at it), but I know a few people that think it’s just wrong to do that, if you’re in a relationship. Well, that may be true… if you’re not in a solid, trust-filled union like mine. Mrs. B knows that I’m not going to stray, because there is no one that wants to bang me, and even if there was, they wouldn’t be able to offer me what she can. If they could, we wouldn’t be together. It also works the other way. If she wanted to jump the bones of some young colt, there is really nothing I can do about it. I know she wouldn’t do that, but she could. I don’t own her, and I never want to. That said, if you are worried about harmless flirting, you should start talking about that shit with each other. It’s not healthy for you, or the two of you as a couple. Anyhow, on with the story.

Yes they are too young for that shit. It's there for effect, and because I'm too lazy to look further

As I was waiting for the dude to sign my bills at my first drop, I went to use the washroom. On my way there, I saw an attractive woman that was maybe in her early fifties. I smiled and said hello, she stopped and said hello back and asked how I was doing. I told her I was fine, and she agreed with me. That put a smile on my face, and I returned the compliment, and then she asked me if I was hitting on her. I told her I wasn’t and as she walked through the door, she turned back and called me cheeky. By then I was grinning from ear to ear. This is not an everyday occurrence, so I was still smiling when I left.

A few drops later, I was pushing the buzzer, trying to get someone to let me in when a dapper fella came over and opened the cage for me. I handed him my bills and said hello. He looked at the bills and told me that he worked in the office, and wasn’t the receiver. I took the bills back and told him it was no problem, I unload the truck myself, when he mentioned that he came to my area once in a while for drinks, and wondered if I’d like to go for a drink with him the next time he was down. I stood there, my tiny brain was trying to process questions like: Why would some dude I have never met, want to go for a drink with me? Why won’t he quit smiling so much? Why is he now kissing the nape of my neck and why didn’t I shave this morning? The last two may just be filler, but what the hell, it’s my story. I guess he could see my mind smoking, and then said. “Oh my God, you’re straight.” I felt foolish, and flattered at the same time. I said that I was straight, so he told me that I shouldn’t be so flirty, and he guessed the drink was off. He then turned and walked out of my life forever. I was still smiling though, and he was too, so I guess it all ended well

The third encounter today was with a newly single, younger woman, that I believe was just looking for someone to get her mind off of someone else. I didn’t care, because I know it’s not going anywhere. We chatted a bit, after I had told her I had someone at home waiting for me, and it was light and fun. There may have been a veiled offer, but nothing inappropriate or cheesy, and by the time I left, we were laughing and feeling better about our day. I had just sat there for an hour and half, and wasn’t even ticked about it. I hope she had her spirits lifted too, because who couldn’t use a little pick-me-up once in a while?

In conclusion, I think that everyone should go out every day and smile, while engaging someone in conversation. It should be someone you don’t know very well, or someone you want to know better. Make them feel sexy, and attractive by paying attention to their eyes, and I think you’ll find yourself feeling sexy as well. Then when you get home, tell your significant other about having a little flirt that day, and take him/her to bed and give them a right good rogering. If you’re single, go and beat the life out of that thing, and flirt better next time, because you really need to get laid.

Get out there and own that shit,

Birdman

P.S. We are not responsible for any stray stalkers, bunny boilers or all around crazy fuckers that you may encounter on your smiling and talking quest.

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Filed under Birdman, Humor

Maybe I did hit the sauce last night.

image

I only say that because I woke up in the night with a throbbing headache and what feels like an extra set of arms and legs draped over me. Could it be? Is my lifelong dream coming true without having to pay a cent? My pulse raced with excitement at the thought of finally getting a threesome, while my mind went through the scenarios of what might have happened, and what was in my future. Man, I sure hope I was able to leave an impression, but I’m pretty sure I passed out because I’d remember something that monumental.

Okay, if I screwed up that shot, I had better make things count now. I’m going to need some food, a bunch of sugar and maybe quarter half a Cialis if I am going to prove to myself that I’m up to the task of thoroughly satisfying two (or could there be more?) women. As I slowly open my eyes to gauge my surroundings, I start to piece together the night. Wait a minute, I’ll count my drinks. One beer at nine, two diet cokes, another beer at eleven thirty, and a water. After that, we cleaned up the hall and I distinctly remember driving everyone home.

My eyes are now focusing on my beautiful fiance, limbs sprawled over me in a loving embrace, and I realize that it’s just the two of us. I can’t help but smile when I look at her face, and I realize that I really can’t wait to marry her. I forget about the fantasy of two women for a while, and I mean a very short while. Jesus, I still have balls, don’t I?

Put me in coach, I’m ready to play today,

Birdman

2 Comments

Filed under Comedy, Humor

Maybe I did hit the sauce last night.

image

I only say that because I woke up in the night with a throbbing headache and what feels like an extra set of arms and legs draped over me. Could it be? Is my lifelong dream coming true without having to pay a cent? My pulse raced with excitement at the thought of finally getting a threesome, while my mind went through the scenarios of what might have happened, and what was in my future. Man, I sure hope I was able to leave an impression, but I’m pretty sure I passed out because I’d remember something that monumental.

Okay, if I screwed up that shot, I had better make things count now. I’m going to need some food, a bunch of sugar and maybe quarter half a Cialis if I am going to prove to myself that I’m up to the task of thoroughly satisfying two (or could there be more?) women. As I slowly open my eyes to gauge my surroundings, I start to piece together the night. Wait a minute, I’ll count my drinks. One beer at nine, two diet cokes, another beer at eleven thirty, and a water. After that, we cleaned up the hall and I distinctly remember driving everyone home.

My eyes are now focusing on my beautiful fiance, limbs sprawled over me in a loving embrace, and I realize that it’s just the two of us. I can’t help but smile when I look at her face, and I realize that I really can’t wait to marry her. I forget about the fantasy of two women for a while, and I mean a very short while. Jesus, I still have balls, don’t I?

Put me in coach, I’m ready to play today,

Birdman

2 Comments

Filed under Birdman, Humor